Karen Jonze [.com]

Wow! I have not written a relationship post in AGES! I’ve been inspired by recent events, observations and Twitter conversations with a select group of ladies and here is the egg that hatched.

Gentlemen, you need some of this advice BADLY. A lot of you think you know how to love and how to date but you are clueless. Listen: men and women are not that far apart, OK! We all have the same feelings, basic bodily functions and basic human needs because men and women are both…. human!

Ladies, some of you need to take this post as a wake up call and realize that you’re not necessarily in the best of company. The rule is quality over quantity. You don’t need to have ONE boyfriend to end up with ZERO quality boyfriend. That’s no fun. Don’t be so desperate to be with someone that you end up alone with someone.

Now that we got all of the preliminaries out of the way, it’s time for the nitty gritty. Back to the men. How to be good company in a relationship regardless of the nature of that relationship. I’ll give you a few starter points.

Retain your independence
The same way you want your girl to not be calling you every waking hour of the day, showing up at your house at all times of the night and questioning you is the same thing women want from you. Stop being so clingy. It’s not cute. There are ways to let the woman know that she is desired without stifling her.

Mind the business that belongs to you
Why are you with that friend again? Why can’t you take off work today? Who’s calling you after 9pm? Wooooooo calm down!! If none of the questions you are asking have a direct impact on you or lack total common sense, don’t ask them. And it leads totally into the next issue…

Leave your signs of insecurity/jealousy at the door
You’re not too confident with your looks or sense of style? Don’t tell us. We wouldn’t be with you if it was a real problem. And if it was a real problem, we’d tell you about it… believe me. You called her and she didn’t pick up or call you back that same night? Ever heard of being busy or (even better) being asleep?! Calling her 7 times in a row and following that with text messages will not get her to answer the phone any quicker. Doing all of that will most likely have you introduced to voice mail more than you care to be.

Comparisons get you nowhere
It’s ok if you’ve been burnt by a past fling or relationship. Bringing it or the ex up continuously is not. Let’s be honest, unless you are first, you’re dealing with somebody’s leftovers and vice-versa. Nobody likes to be actively reminded about it! This being said, learn from your lessons but don’t show your cheat sheet. YOU have been burnt, YOU need to learn from that mistake and YOU need to lead a new life. Your new lady has nothing to do with this and doesn’t need to be subjected to past bitterness.

Calling the relationship what is it and accepting it
You’re a non-exclusive pair? Don’t get mad (to her face) because she’s seeing other people. You’re exclusive? Respect the exclusivity on your end too. You’re just a booty call? You’re only being used for sex, you’re not friends… You can’t call her about personal issues. She’s your side-chick? Don’t talk to her about problems you’re having with your main chick, she’s supposed to be a distraction. You’re not official and have no intention to make it so? Don’t stake any public claims on her, you shouldn’t be putting things on layaway that you have no intention of purchasing.

All in all, regardless of the little issues you may be having with whomever you choose to have around you as company, remember the cardinal rule: Have the courage to walk away from bad company. Sometimes you just need a little push to shove you away. If it’s not working, remind yourself that you always deserve better.

-xo-